first diet that dictates ...not elimantes food

I hear it works and you can loes up to 18 pounds ig is for 9 days and goes like this
day 1- 3 = only rice, boiled with a little bit of salt
day 4-6 = only chiken, no skin, cook in most greece draining way possiable
day 6-9 = apples
and only water.

Today at school I told the class about how on saterday I tryed portugese food for the first time and - in union- they all sayed WHAT!? because the whole class is portugese and so is most of the town, it was soooo freaky.
Whats funnier is that I told them right after Mara told them about a massive car crash killing alot of people that happend this weekend. And so you know and dont think I just run around telling everyone about my life it was share your wekend time....yeah, brings you back to kindergarten ai.
Also this weekend I hung out with brigette which lead to handiung out with shanice at her new house and I now consider them friends...thats big for me. They are cool and I dont ahve to hold back or feel lame with how I act. Even better I cross a tick of my list at the bottem of this page =)

                                                                                                           xoxo,
                                                                                                             Honey

-_- Please give up dear stalker boy

So creepy stalker boy is not gone he asked me to semi formal today and nothing terribly embarrassing happened which is kind of suspicious but good but I said no because I have drama 4-8 hooray for terrible British accents! rejecting creepy stalker boy is hard on me too because I get embarrassed when embarrassing things happen and I feel terrible when I hurt people I feel even more useless and its like all this terrible flooding emotion at once and I wish I could just tell him that he seems nice but I need to have conversation before I do relationships or even dates. Oh but I could possibility have my first crush but it such a big maybe because I haven't really talked to her and she is a her and I don't even know if she swings that way. But I know she thinks I'm pretty (cause she will flat out tell me...terribly uncomfortable) and I know i think she is gorgeous but I dont even know her name -_- <--- exact reason I avoid crushes.
I love losing calories exercising but I dont want huge muscles! like I see people with nice waists and tree trunk thighs 100% muscle and it scares me! It is absolutely horrifying especially scince I already have like 0 fat on my thighs but they arnt perfect because of muscle and I didnt work out and it was still 100%!

                                                                                                    xoxo,
                                                                                                      Honey

Snacking on air { How can you just say THAT }

Today I went and saw the new harry potter movie with tiffany and while there ahe openly, out right, infornt of a theater of people said "yeah I was caught starving myself in the summer so now my parents keep an eye on me."
that stunned me...I was like WTF!? Who says something like that 1. in public 2. to someone they barley know,
how can someone possibly be that opened and talk about something that serious just like that. alothough she doesnt know how important starving is to me and people like me but that made me really uncomfortiable. Ans she is not the thinest person, infact she is rather large and that made me think so thats wht a relapse looks like.
I also had surprise tryouts for a school play and I over exaggerated my angry tone and I messed my song but heres hopeing, I have another tryout tomorrow and Friday at lunch and I suppose that it doesn't really matter to me because I am already a major role in a Oliver twist play and I'm not sure just how many lines I can memorize.
And if you were wondering this was the best harry potter movie yet and I'm not crazy into the potter saga but it was good like GOOD good and I recommend it.

                                                                                              xoxo,
                                                                                                 Honey

Sorry i found some great thinspo but blogger wont let me upload anything so I'll give you extra later.

Strive to buy pants that fit your waist not our fat.

I am in love with the elliptical, so far the best machine that burns the most calories in the shortest amount of time 400 calories in 30 minutes. Also I have just gotten the facebook message form sherry and we made it to provincials in DECCA praise the lord my guilt trip can stop.
The other day I had to take a music test and it was so embarrassing I couldn't make a single noise for like five minutes of everyone staring at me pathetically trying to play hot cross buns on the clarinet....it hurt T~T so now I'm retaking the test tomorrow.....UGH.  I remember when people were all like high school is nothing like degrassi and all that shiz dont worry all those embarrassing moments dont exist, and I naively believed them but boy was I wrong it is WORSE than degrassi. Well thats all thats been up hope your days have been good

                                                                                           xoxo
                                                                                              Luna

                                                                            

you can wear me down and I'll take it but soon enough I'll break

I apologize for my absence but you know how it is when sometimes your just so tiered and empty that you really just don't care well I had a few of those days. so heres a quick fill in. I had a Decca competition which is just a business meeting where your are ranked on how professional you are and I tried really hard I even went out and had to thrift shop for a suit cause I'm poor but then I got to Decca and sherry (my partner) flipped shit and got really angry and you know how anger brings out the worst in people? TRUE she cut my pants, ruined my hair, made me ask a complete stranger for shoes and then spent the rest of the day ragging on my and blameing me for evrything that went wrong. Jasmins birthday today and I really dont want to go to the party but I'm boxed in now and April is going to be there hanging off of her and it sgoing to drive me carzy because she belives that they are acactualy friends and as soon as fayth and jasmin stop fighting April is going to be history and come back to me but this time I dont want here back I cant give my all to someone who doesnt even like me anymore, all she ever did was step on my feelings and use me and right now I really dont have the energy for it. Aparently we arent tealling my stepdad that we are moving, yeah I'm sure thats gonna turn out well :S. Its kind of funny though
my mom wouldn't leave him when he hit my sister, when he hit me, or the rare times he hit her but as soon as he asks her to lay down her pride for a second its over....I'm gonna miss him though he bugs me so much but its hard to go eleven years without getting attached to someone I mean I can barely remember a time without him and what about when I move in with my father next year? mom says she'll pick up another job and just work and come home... what kind of life is that...well talk to you later I'm leaving for Jasmin bye. stay strong and I want you to know your comments are appreciated and they are sometimes the only bit of joy in my day.

Now I have a new reason to love bones! this whole day was kind of weird I lost my assignment that was sue, missed the bus, then found out my parents (step dad of 11 years and mom) are splitting up and I'm moving to an apartment with my mom and that's when I realized that I really don't want to move but I know its harder on her than it is on me so I wont say anything anyway the whole day I would run my hand over my ribs feeling each bone and it made me really happy.
Going to the gym with some one was great they just keep you going and also distract you we are going again on Friday. It drove me crazy that he would loses twice the calories I did in the same time and I had higher resistance and aligned our foot movements to go at the same time, he says its cause he is bigger but it still upsets me.

LOVE the second one-

xoxo-
Honey

hip bones!!!!

I can finally feel my hip bones with almost no fat in between! I can barley even grip any fat on my hips! WOOT hooray this totally makes up for yesterday . Today nothing really happened it was dull but at 6:30 I am going to the gym with my friend for the first time ever so lets hope that that works out. yep hope your day was evenful love honey :)

all of todays normality just got its ass kicked *thinspo*

This is the story of how my day got flipped. I was supposed to go see my sister who I haven't seen in like a year because she lives so far away in a crazy busy town (think Tokyo/Toronto). To get there we hitched a ride with my aunt who was going to visit someone and I ended up getting dragged into the house where we were seated in rectangle room that looked like an old persons house and they started talking (2 aunts, and mom) and they sounded like they were talking about some sick little kid whose parents had gone on vacation and I was like meh whatever but there was an extremely melancholy feel to the room which was very questionable. My mom went and called my sister to tell her we were coming and my other aunt went to go check on pat (the supposed kid) and I asked who pat was and that's when I found out that pat was my grandfather...! It took my a while to get it but then she was like your moms real dad and I was like CLICK. We went and visited my sister then came back and Pat was up and so we sat down and talked with him now just to provide some background cause your probably like so what? My grandfather abandoned my grandmother with 14 kids and no job and so I always had a grandfather who was not really related and since I was little I have heard story's I wasn't supposed to about the things they had to deal with because he wasn't there and my step grandfather didn't show up till later but you can imagine how weird it was to sit in a room with my dieing grandfather whom I had seen only once and thought he was just a really snobby tall man and at the time I just thought he was a big jerk because of the way he did thing and seemed to have no intention of talking to anyone... I was 10, and now this withered old man whom I had heard so much about was sitting in front of one of the grand kids he didn't know he had with his daughter he hadn't seen for 30 years.

Okay after that we went back to see my sister where nothing really eventful happened except while we were walking around she was all "I can see all my ribs." "I'm losing so much weight." "it sucks losing weight right before winter." "I've gotten really boney now" last time I was there she told me shes closer to being anorexic than obese and before she told me on facebook that she had an eating disorder cause my biological father called her fat but I disregarded it cause she always says stuff like that and its funny that right after that she went and ate a texas toast sandwich,3 thick slices of peamael bacon, and a poutein in one sitting. My sister would always do anything for attention she even got people arrested  not to mention she got herself put in a home. She would start fights be promiscuous and skip school but this THIS it too far! she can try to kill herself all she wants, she can sleep with every guy in town including married men in our family, and she can tear out already broken family down further with her lies but she CANNOT touch Ana! Ana is clean, Ana is pure and her grease covered hands cannot spill her black acid lies anywhere near Ana I will make sure she doesn't drag her down with her.

Since you had to listen to me whine so much I'll give you three pics:

Off to do mountins of science homework hope your day was better,

                                                                                                  xoxo
                                                                                                      Honey

long last I finnaly have my own scale *angels sing*

I got my scale and it is just the classic white dial scale which I love...correction lovED until of course it said I'm up a pound.....two freaking months and I have not lost a single thing. Well that's probably a lie, I probably lost some then lost control and gained it back. ether way I only have 1 month and a half to hopeful get down to at least 80 wait...or maybe not oh no they already said you don't get weighted. I have gym in the summer and I have this massive thing against sunlight but seriously if I get a tan someone is seriously gonna get hit with a sock full of butter HEY that's a good use of butter. so I planed to go to semi formal in a tux and do like a flower pretty boy style thing but then Bridgette raised the point people might think I'm a cross dresser and not talk to me and I know that they are jerks if they wont talk to me cause they think I'm a cross dresser and I know I wouldn't want to talk to them anyway but STILL now I will find a good mix yep yep. DAMMIT so much weight to go this SUCKS and since I'm right where my stupid fat body wants to be my stupid fat body wont drop all its stupid FAT self grrr. sigh.

stay skinny,
         Honey

back...in general xD + calculator and thinspo pic

okay so back from the cottage and back to control YES finally i have been waiting for like what a week YES and to top it all off I have my allowance so I can FINALLY buy a scale omgzz like shaboooya! at  the cottage my parents only started fighting like 3 times and minimal swearing with NO abuse, what I call a pretty good three days. also its pretty cool that April is used to the fighting and now she doesn't even regard it or shot me a sorry look and when he hits me she just looks away.....wow okay that sounds bad but its better that she doesn't care trust me it all turns bad when they care. But now the bad news I seeked out a body fat calculator and I found out that I'm a whopping 18.7% FAT like pure FAT.....ewww I decided that I am going to aim for 5%. I'm lame because I choose 5% based on the fact that alot of manga says that...T~T I tis a nerd. also it says I should 1687 calories a day and that I'm .3 kilos underweight I laughed like a mad person after I read that, partly because the numbing happiness form hearing that I am finally underweight but also that that is ALOT of calories okay well heres a link to the page it tells you your

*BMI,
*waist to hips ratio,                            click me!!!!
*body fat %,
*and lean body mass

yep yep heres your pic also-

okay bye bye lovee-
                         honey

Back to pressision

This is really pathetic and very distressful! I am having such a hard time getting back to ana after eating like Bridgette and now I'm just tired AND hungry! For the reminder of this week I think I'll just pressisily plan my days to 350 again this helps because me April and my family are going to a cottage for the weekend but this is seriously pissing me off. Oh and btw the cottage is why Ima be gone till monday.


So I'm at the public library right now just cause I love u guys so much I would do anything to blog to you xoxo.
today I saw John for the first time in while and it was semi awkward eye contact. I found a lululemon product lazing around the school floor and my dirt baggy self decided EXIRSIZE STUFF woot woot took it and descritly ran away to a guy I was talking to, now however after searching the whole lululemon site I still have no idea what it is. Its bright pink with the rubbery stuff they put in newer bras for anti slip. I'm not sure if I complained about caylea getting better grades then me in science well today I looked at her sheet and she tottaly lied! she has an 80% the same as me so its like a tottal pusha momment. Oh now for the embarassing part of my day at the very end of the day I was rather giddy and couldnt stop smileing and I guess I made the ever most awkward face when your trying to smoosh your smile down but you end up looking like a duck and the hottest guy walked by and couldnt stop stareing....OMGZZZ then I stood beside john.....THE HOT ONE and swayed.......I SWAYED! and I saw him notice to he was all what the hell UGH....sight okayyzz talk to you monday byee I'll miss you LOL april is right there staring at me from the floor below all like get ur ass down here.

                                                                                               xoxo

                                                                                                  honey ^ shes a lil big but I
don'twanna save anything to beautiful on a public system byee.

fasting today for a skinnyer tommarow

I cant leave it at that theres to much i need to ramble about. Creepy stalker boy inst around anymore because I did the harshest thing by accident he was coming over during the school dance and when he was like and inch away I turned and BOLTED like dead RAN out the door.....like i said worst reflex to this life T~T

Halloween food drive went very well, there were those tight asses who were like "I donate through my church." and I was like "oh okay" my ass you do but over all some people gave me like BAGS full it was ballin esc. And Bridgette tagged along.

I am going to all nighter tonight because I need a real punch in the face to kick my fast off - awkwardly violent sentence much. and the dance was much fun, seems people talk to me more in the dark...thx guys and I was warm on Halloween night unlike everyone else. At the dance there were so many like...naked people it was weird bet they were cold unlike your sexy blanket over here....oh...that's sad.

one day, when I'm skinny enough I still wont wear that. Okay off to study shake spear, i gave you two thinspos a lil while ago so NONE 4 YOU! nightyy

HAHAHAHAHA.......good, got that out, today was amazingly....bleh and its good to laugh everyday.

Do grades go from 0 to 100 or start at 100 and go to 0 because if it starts at 100 and goes to 0 I have lost 20% in the first unit of science.....screw me....screw ecology. okay so I need power so I think one coffee a day should be aloud in my plan because I am dieing...wait I'll go check the carbs/calories and whatnot- okay so my specific mocha is 50 calories and barley 1g carbs so I think I'll let that slide cause living and passing school would be nice.

okay life is slowing dowwnnnn like x100 and I swear I'm starting to see things in slow mo! like people laughing or jumping and even running and I ether add that bay watch song or that antique road show sound everytime it happens and its freaking my sheans! gotta take more vitemens, let this be a warnning lovelys weird shit WILL happen. OOOHHH and gum I think sugarless gum...oh gosh I'm turning into a fat girl all like I want this! I want that! but still I agree.

                                                                                     xoxo
                                                                                      -honey