Just a story, just another teenage whale bitching about life through insecurities.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Sweet 16, the lie
I woke up at 8:30 today and began crying and screaming because I'm terrified of the change that turning sixteen will bring in my life. I dont think I can handle being an adult, I dont think I can handle having to face life as a reality. But the biggest thing is change. I'm honestly terrified of life changing, my life has never been anything than what it is now, with my parents taking care of me and in charge of me and me doing what I want but appreciating that they were there. Now though ill be all on my own, all alone in this big big world forced to worry about myself and be truly alone and im so scared, I don't belong and I can't do it because there's no place in this world for something like me. And I can't handle the mind-boggling pressure of knowing that these are my final moments of youth before my life changes forever and I can never be safe again. I'm not ready to trek across these foreign lands and risk everything, I'm too scared and not ready or prepared or allowed and it's not even like I have a place to go. I don't belong, I shouldn't be here, I'm not ready. Dear god I can't do this
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sorry to here about that :/ im the opposite i can't wait to grow up and get out. our height is the same.. how did u get over all your binging ? i still struggle with it, ana sounds more pleasureable than mia both suck @ss
ReplyDeletexoxo goodluck and happy birthday
thanks, and I just distracted myself nonstop and I wont lie i still feel nauseous all the time and throw up when after i eat 'alot' and start to panic. I call myself recovered because its not a regular thing anymore after months of deciding that she wasn't making me happy and that I wanted life over her. Also I let other people be completely in control of my meals, like id eat the same things they ate subtly or id just leave it up to my parents to tell me to eat and id give it my best shot and write notes to myself about how I want to be happy and mias only making me hurt more.
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