Fuckin day.

So today is the day that sister is coming to visit, this wouldn't be news except that she hasn't seen my dad or stepmom in four years due to a certain falling out. Anywho theyre cleaning everything like crazy and doing normal super anxious type things and I'm just trying to avoid it all. Yesterday during dinner I pulled out my photos from the last time she visited and everyone was gawking then my stepmom is like "wow look your skinny" and I was like "what?" and she was like "your skinny here!" and she's making that face like she wants me to react laughing or something but like what the fuck?? I was 11, and that was one of the lowest points of myself esteem not cause I was far but because I was actually grimy and disgusting looking because we couldn't afford for my to get my hair cut or redyed and , just, UHH. So that was a bullet to my brain. And about 10 minutes before that I was sitting on the bathroom floor with my fingers in my throat cause I ate 1/3 of a bag of skittles (first forced vomit of the diet). And then later they kept trying to bring me soup and I was like full, full, no I'm still mother fucking full. You are NOT allowed to complain about my weight then not stop trying to shove food down my throat!!

Look at that, weird disfigured disgusting fat mess. My gosh why am I even allowed to exist. I AM the ugly friend I AM the unwanted.