you know...

you know I have a best friend who is miraculously skinny and I used to be damned jealous, now I look at her and all I can do is catolouge fat, sin, flab, needs to be toned, ect. and the most disturbing part is that now when I look at firm flab on people I imagine cutting them open and cutting the fat out and I get an amazing high which in turn means I am banning myself from straight razors, exacto knifes, and kitchen knifes for a little while, just to be safe.

You know how I always put my weight at the end of my goodbye when it changes, well its 98 now and I'm going to give you a brief history of weight gain:

when I hit 85 the worry began,
when I hit 90 I felt enormous,
when I hit 95 I faded back to the dark,
when I hit 100 every part of me was pulled back into total darkness
and once again "Baylee" ceased to exists. now Baylee is a small part of me,
she exists only to please the outside but in here the only one who matters Is Honey
and out there the only ones who love me are my dear soul Ana & Mia.

you know how people always bitch about how stupid of a power invisibility is? Well if I could disappear or even blend in I might still be alive.